2. Fear of religious ceremonies.
Well, I am the proud owner of a plane ticket [courtesy of cheapOair.com - leave it to my father to find THAT] to Quito, Ecuador. Weird. This is actually happening.
Perhaps this is a good time for a confession:
Finality terrifies me.
I aim for flexibility. I try to be one of those people who can "roll with" just about anything. I enjoy spontaneity. Last-minute road trip? Count me in. Drop of the hat camping? Yes please. Pack up and leave the country for a third of a year? Put my name down. Really.
But knowing that things, big things, are happening. Knowing EXACTLY WHEN they're happening, progressively getting closer and closer, that scares me. The "point of no return" feeling really gets to me [as a little kid I used to lie awake the night before my birthday - not out of excitement, but because I was worried that I had forgotten some important seven-year-old milestone that could not be fulfilled the same at eight. Ridiculous. I know].
Even worse is having to make those decisions myself [Hence my indecisiveness]. Things like goldfish dying, breakups, and yes, leaving the country for extended periods of time, put me in a strange funk [and a different "funk" than those types of things are expected to cause]. I'm fine after the moment of change has passed. There will be other goldfish, I'm a strong person on my own, and I am wholly excited to immerse myself in anther culture. But watching Goldie swim around sideways, knowing there's nothing I can do; making the fateful phone call, even knowing it's for the best; and getting on the plane, even though I know what adventures lie ahead, all make me second-guess my choices.
It's human. I know. It's normal [To some extent, at least]. But I am seeing and recognizing this fear in myself now, and it's eye-opening.
I will be fine as soon as the plane is in the air. I know it. But getting on the plane? That moment of finality, stepping through security? That's probably going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
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