Spiritual Cleansing in 15 Easy Steps

Today we witnessed a cleansing by a Shaman. A Shaman in the Andes is a medicine wo/man or healer. I'll describe the steps in brief:

1. The subject (Erica, in this case) rubs an unlit candle all over herself.
2. The shaman lights the candle, then lights a cigarette from it, and smokes a few puffs.

3. The shaman decides what's wrong with the subject (in Erica's case, bad luck).

4. The subject strips down to skivvies and straddles a smoking plate of embers.
5. The shaman chants over the subject.

6. The shaman holds three candles, swigs some vodka, and spits some flame throwers at ever angle of the subject.

7. The shaman holds a spear over the subject while chanting, then spits vodka in her face.
8. The shaman chants over some plants, spits vodka on them, puffs some smoke on them, and scrubs the subject's body with them. Repeat four times.
9. The shaman chants over four eggs, spits vodka on them, puffs some smoke on them, and scrubs the subject's body with them. Repeat four times. Then send the eggs down the river.
10. The shaman puffs some cigarette smoke all over the subject.
11. The shaman asks the subject to choose a perfume.

12. The shaman mixes the perfume with rose petals and has the subject scrub her face and body with them.
13. The shaman chews up rose petals, swigs the perfume, and spits the mix on all angles of the subject.
14. The shaman chants over the subject with a giant chunk of obsidian.

15. The subject is clean, but cannot eat pork or onions for the rest of the day, and cannot shower for two days.