"I Don't Hate It"

The above is a catchphrase that I've picked up from my San Diego friends. It can be heard used after such statements as:

- " My host brother likes Glee and the Beatles "
- " The only clear station is Spanish Talk Radio "
- " I think that cute boy with the good hair is staring at you "
- " We accidentally baked an extra batch of cookies "
- " I caught my parakeet dancing to Lady Gaga " <--[True story]

. . . Etc.

Villa No. 12

Meet my host family. César, Maritza, Jessica, Stephanie, and César II. Now you know as much about them as I do. I also know that they do not have a mascot, whatever that means. If your understanding of Spanish colloquialisms is better than mine, feel free to chime in on that [Rachel. . .] .

Notice their coloring. I may not stick out like a sore thumb after all. Here's hoping.

It just keeps getting realer and realer. I may have to suck it up and actually pack soon.

Teleophobia

1. Fear of definite or final plans.

2. Fear of religious ceremonies.

Well, I am the proud owner of a plane ticket [courtesy of cheapOair.com - leave it to my father to find THAT] to Quito, Ecuador. Weird. This is actually happening.

Perhaps this is a good time for a confession:

Finality terrifies me.

I aim for flexibility. I try to be one of those people who can "roll with" just about anything. I enjoy spontaneity. Last-minute road trip? Count me in. Drop of the hat camping? Yes please. Pack up and leave the country for a third of a year? Put my name down. Really.

But knowing that things, big things, are happening. Knowing EXACTLY WHEN they're happening, progressively getting closer and closer, that scares me. The "point of no return" feeling really gets to me [as a little kid I used to lie awake the night before my birthday - not out of excitement, but because I was worried that I had forgotten some important seven-year-old milestone that could not be fulfilled the same at eight. Ridiculous. I know].

Even worse is having to make those decisions myself [Hence my indecisiveness]. Things like goldfish dying, breakups, and yes, leaving the country for extended periods of time, put me in a strange funk [and a different "funk" than those types of things are expected to cause]. I'm fine after the moment of change has passed. There will be other goldfish, I'm a strong person on my own, and I am wholly excited to immerse myself in anther culture. But watching Goldie swim around sideways, knowing there's nothing I can do; making the fateful phone call, even knowing it's for the best; and getting on the plane, even though I know what adventures lie ahead, all make me second-guess my choices.

It's human. I know. It's normal [To some extent, at least]. But I am seeing and recognizing this fear in myself now, and it's eye-opening.

I will be fine as soon as the plane is in the air. I know it. But getting on the plane? That moment of finality, stepping through security? That's probably going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

Perfection

"This rock is so pretty, and it's perfect for skipping, so perfect that I almost want to just keep it. I'm afraid of ruining it by trying to skip it and failing."

"But wouldn't it be better to try to skip it and ruin it, than to keep it, since what it's perfect for is being thrown?"

-Conversation of the day.

A Theological Query

If the sun sets on my anger at the system, is that bad?

I'm trying to be patient, but the redundant and inane paperwork and bureaucracy are testing my limits.

Funny that when I land in two and a half weeks, I won't even remember this part.

That's all.

Voy a Extrañar...

Today, as I was rinsing my hair with coffee out of a canning jar (be proud Cassie, be proud), I realized that there are some things about life here in the states that I will miss while on the far side of the sea. So, naturally, I compiled a list:

1. My "quirky" habits (such as java-rinsing my hair) that will probably be too imposing, difficult to explain, or just plain weird to continue.

2. Abelard the guitar

3. Driving myself wherever I need to go

4. Frozen Yogurt

5. Understanding what people around me are saying

Oh, What a Day Is Today

Today I am...

Leaving the dishes in the sink.

Enjoying good food and laughter with Cassie.

Acknowledging my anxieties about this next adventure.

Looking forward to the changes in store for me and those around me who are embarking on parallel journeys.

Needing it to be "okay" that I'm excited to move on.

Certain that the county fair is the best place to re-adjust one's digestive system to meat

(that's one corn dog accomplished).

Finished with County Fair radio broadcast.

Making it my life's goal to experience an Improv Everywhere musical.

Probably not going to sleep until very late.